Foamy: Foamy Fan Mail! No time for intros; let's go {holds up letter} straight to the fan mail because a lot of people {turns letter over to reveal "Dear Foamy I like UR Tail" written on it crudely} have been pissing me off {rips letter in half} lately. {reading} Dear Foamy: I didn't like that cartoon where Pillz-E decides to take care of children. The humor was crude and I don't find dead babies funny. I also think you should apologize for the episode. {typing} Dear hopeful controller of thought: I find dead babies fucking hilarious. As for an apology, fucking forget it. Just because you find something offensive does not mean that it should be censored or removed from society. It's called free speech. Deal with it! And if you don't like the topic of dead babies, you can go to an abortion clinic and have dead fetuses shoved up your ass. In the meantime, I hope at least one of your future children is born without the ability to speak so that you may one day truely learn and appreciate the value of free speech. In short, I may personally disagree with your statements, but you don't see me trying to tape your mouth shut. Learn from the squirrel. Period. Signed, your lord and master... of free speech... Foamy. {singing} Next... letter.... {in high pitched voice} Next letter. {reading} Dear Foamy: Send me some free stuff. I like you. {speaking} You cheap bastard. Next letter. {reading} I think that black squirrel character is a negative stereotype of how black people are. I think that character should be removed from the series. {rips letter in half; starts fake-crying} Meh.... Oh no.... {typing} Well, aren't we a self-righteous asshole? First off, the character is a fucking squirrel - not a person. Try not to mix up your species. I know public education isn't that great these days, but you should be able to tell the difference between a rodent and a human. Second, if you really want to work on removing negative black stereotypes, start with the hip-hop/rapper crowd. Once you've cleaned up that genre, then get back to me. I think we're done here. Signed, your lord and master, Foamy. And now, for the final straw, or last letter. {reading} Dear Foamy: I hate people and don't get along with anyone. What should I do? {speaking} Hm.... {typing} Dear serial killer in training: You could go nuts and kill everyone you see in a five-block radius. Or.... {speaking} Hm... let me think.... Sound advice. Sound advice. Hm.... Oh! {typing}{sarcastically} I guess you could find the inherent good in every individual and accept them, faults and all. Or something. {enthusiastically} Follow your heart. Even if it says "Kill. Kill. Kill! Kill!" {clears throat} This letter does not condone or endorse mass-killings. Please consult doctor before use. {speaking} So, until next time, may your days be bright, and your contact with stupidity limited. {off screen} Thank you, one and all!
